Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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