Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
