Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
