Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
