I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize