nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
