just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize