I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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