OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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