I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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