Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
