she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you win again, gameday.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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