Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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