So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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