I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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