I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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