Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So much Jack, so little girl.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize