even my farts smell like vagina
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
