I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
