We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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