your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
