I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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