the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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