They have a pepper shaker for pot.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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