i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize