my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
There's even glitter on my cock...
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