Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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