Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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