I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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