I hope mine doesn't look like that
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
