zippers are such a cool invention
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
