I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
