Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
