Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
