Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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