dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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