Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Ladies don't puke and tell
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
