There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
