I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I need to align my fucking chakras
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize