so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize