I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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