she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize