haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
