my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
