wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
