I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That's how pantless uber rides happen
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
