I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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