I wish my penis had an off switch
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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