Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
