The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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