I hate your face
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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