he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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