yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
