It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
