It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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