He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
