apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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