Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
