I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
