WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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