im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize