I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Even the bartender felt bad for me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
