We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
