im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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