I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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